Mmm, this thing’s been dead for so long now. Poor bloggy. Every time I promise to keep you safe and warm and healthy, I end up forgetting about you. Not because I don’t love you but, well, you have to understand I have other commitments…

Still, I’m here now. I logged into IF/ZB today to see how things were going, it’s the weekend, I’m ill and have nothing to do - yeah, that’s how life is these days. Don’t have time to dedicate to forums or websites except what little spare time I can muster, and that’s usually spent on eating, drinking, sleeping and petty theft. But then I’ve come to realise, I tend to be quite obsessive over IF/ZB, at least I was when I was around. Not sure if that was ever a good thing but when you get to the point that you hate being unable to get on the internet… Well, some might call it commitment but I’ve learned just how addictive the internet really is. Still, can’t say I honestly regret anything. Still love the place, and the people who make it what it is.

Life’s taken a funny turn recently. Having just settled back into my old job, I’ve suddenly found myself in new employment as part of the DWP. Who’da thunk it? Me, working for the government? Not quite MI6 but still, decent pay, flexi-time and friendly people. I’m processing benefits so I suppose a life of assassins, Martinis and fancy cars is out the window. More like balding managers, cold coffee and a shoddy BMW that smells like cat pee. But I can’t complain, at least not until I’ve passed the 6 months trial period. Then I can join the union and annoy everyone, as is my right! See, I’m still a little hell-raiser and making y’all proud.

Life’s been good for the others too; my niece’s health has improves vastly, my brother was recently promoted (not much but it’s a step in the right direction) and has been seeing someone for about three months now, and Meryl’s considering working the summer over in America. All in all, things are good.

I’m still in the middle of training, which lasts for about 3 months, so I’m currently on fixed times, meaning my time is fairly limited, but who knows, I may be able to log on a little more often and drop by once in a while. If anyone happens to see this, since I know this place is pretty much dead to all but the spam bots, do leave a note and say hi. Just want to know how everyone’s getting on.

So, later today - tonight, if we’re being accurate - I’m off up north once more to visit my dearest friend Stephen. No, not my beloved mentor, Yodaminch, but the other one, known fondly as Moo, though some will know him as The Grey Prince on Nyclos. He turns twenty today (happy birthday!) and for three days I’m going to help him celebrate in style.

I know, I know, but do control your envy at the unlikelihood you will ever be blessed by my presence and instead celebrate that some are gifted enough for me to acknowledge their existence with my presence. I don’t know why but at this time of the morning, I just have to sound like an arrogant git, at least once. It’s a compulsion. Anyway, I’m rather looking forward to getting away for a short while. Things can be hectic around here, not so much in a constant state of chaos but rather you never quite know what’s going to happen, and so like a steady cat I’m poised to strike when required to do so. For three days however I shall exchange my stability and trustworthiness for inebriation and debauchery. I thoroughly recommend it.

I’m actually not a very good drinker. Come to think of it, neither is Moo. Worse than I actually. He doesn’t drink at all, except rarely when a social gathering demands a glass of wine. He’s much more cranberry and orange juice. I’m not a heavy drinker myself but I do like the odd drink here and there. However, for three nights I intend to sweep aside our traditions and ensure that both of us - and the crew - are quite drunk. I’m reluctant to reveal the gifts I got him, since he may well still read this corner of cyberspace, but I do hope he likes them. ^_^ Took me ages to pick out - and in one case, days to create. It’s hard to believe he’s just turning 20. If my dates are right, I turned 20 little over a month after I joined IFS, and I’ve known Moo for considerably longer than that - from my MSN years. Good gosh, how young was he then?! Hmm, I think he’d just started college at the time, or was at least at college. My memory isn’t great but yeah, he had to be, what, 16, 17 maybe? Either way, he’s roughly four years my junior, which is a depressing thought. Yeah, I’m not old by any standards but I hate being of this age. It’s a time when I find you suffer from conflicting feelings - emotions vs. principles.

I’ve mentioned on occasion that I have a rule: anyone below the age of 18 is a child and considered “out of bounds.” In the UK you can have consented sex from the age of 16 I believe, but doesn’t that bother people? Not the age of consent I mean, but the idea of it all. Either way, the law is irrelevant. I just find it better to leave those young ‘uns alone. They’re only just starting out on the path to adulthood, through the transitional period of adolescence; whatever they can and cannot do, I do think we have a responsibility as the older ones to look out for them. Sometimes they don’t know what’s best for them, only what they want to do or be or whatever. Not a bad thing I guess but I could never bring myself to engage in anything, even a kiss, with someone so young, fresh and naive. No offence intended to our younger members. I seem to recall a psychiatrist, or psychologist, someone in one of the fields surrounding psychology, mentioning once that 25 is the new 20, and I can believe that it takes the average person as long to “grow into themselves” but the differences between 16 and 20+, and the years between, can be quite staggering. It is after all a time of rapid change; your body may have developed almost as much as it is ever going to, but your mind is still expanding, your emotions will change, your feelings will not remain the same; it’s quite a time. Each year I find myself looking back and seeing vast differences in how I used to be. Quite interesting.

Oh, what was I saying? Ah yes, my original point: I dislike being young and of this particular age because I’m more inclined to be attracted to people within the ten year range. No, not 13 to 33, but 16 to 26. I haven’t found myself particularly changing in that respect since I was about 16, although 26 would have been “old” to me back then. I make no bones about it, I quite like Moo, and were it not for the distance and (hitherto) his age…well, no point going over ifs and maybes, eh? But when you have the principles that I do and find yourself in conflict with them, because I did find myself attracted to him when he was ~17, it’s infuriatingly frustrating. It’s like wanting something you can’t have, you know? And there are moments when you concern yourself with “cradle snatcher syndrome” as I call it. Society takes a dim view of age-gap relationships but apparently in Britain (since I can’t really speak for elsewhere) I’ve noticed it’s the actual gap as opposed to the actual ages which concern people; a person of 60 and a person of 30 can still have their relationship viewed with the same contempt but what is thirty years when the youngest is in one of the so-called “primes” of their life? Four years is nothing, and there’s no legal issue, but I still find it morally wrong. Still, he’s 20 now so I’m not sure why I’m babbling on. Just early morning drivel I suppose.

Anyway, I suppose I should go get some sleep. I still have to pack some stuff and double check everything is in place. Really, leaving Mark and Meryl to run this place is like inviting Jeffrey Archer to make a speech on morality; you just know all Hell will break loose, and who knows, they could be lynched by conservatives while I’m gone. :-/

I really need to fix up my blog sometime…

So, a big congratulations and welcome aboard to our newest recruits: Dale B, Dennis and Jory! We were in need of new Support peeps and came to a consensus that these three were the perfect candidates right now, so well done, you’ve all earned this and it’s a great pleasure to have you on the team.

Being new staff isn’t easy. It takes time to settle in, get used to your new skin, get used to seeing extra forums, handling Support Tickets, learning the basics, etc. There’s also the added pressure of the contract’s small print which stipulates that all new staff are allocated as the official staff slaves. This allows them the privilege of raiding the fridge whenever they want but in return they must answer our every request, clean the staff lounge and handle my kitty litter tray. Fortunately I have absolute faith in the abilities of these three wonderful members to manage my needs with professionalism, haste and above all - shrewd grovelling.

To add to the general smexiness of these promotions, this now places the staff at 7 Blues to 6 Commies (and this doesn’t include the general Blueness of our Overlord Ben ). And if my breeding programme is a success, one day we’ll outnumber them 32 Blues for every Commie. Bwahahahahaha!

Wow, it’s been so long since I last blogged.

So some of you might have noticed a change, namely that I’ve gone over to the dark side and joined the Blues. For the past two years I’ve worked as a Commie and it’s pretty much been my calling. It was what I was best at - mediating problems, managing members, enforcing the rules, et cetera. But as of late I’ve had a change of heart.

Since my return I’ve been a lot more optimistic than I used to be which contributed significantly to my eventual transformation. I never really explained publicly why I left in the first place, I didn’t feel it was right and I’m still not sure I want to go into details but a family member fell seriously ill and had to be hospitalised. I had no option but to leave, I had to be there for my family. The good news is that they’re on the mend and everything looks to be on the road to the all-clear. I think this has changed my attitude to life somewhat, ever since I’ve been a lot happier and more upbeat, a lot like my old self for those who recall the days of nub Ocelot.

Since my return to staff I’ve had the drive to really help out. I joined the staff for the express purpose of contributing, and I’d like to think I’ve done that as a moderator. But lately I’ve had felt more and more inclined to help with support, to contribute to something that will improve the experiences of others. This manifested itself in my doing tickets. Increasingly I’ve found myself not only making straight for them but really enjoying it. There’s nothing more satisfying than that grateful thank you from someone you’ve helped, even with minor problems. I’d played around with the idea of being bl00 but never thought to bring it up in a serious capacity - in all honesty, I used to get nervous around support. I’m concerned with giving the best answer so the mere thought of screwing up is enough to make me wobble. Or it was at least. Now I’m more confident, probably because I’ve been doing it longer now and have recently taken up playing with the ACP more.

So yeah, I finally made the decision to switch over. It more concerns my future with IF really. Right now my being blue or pink won’t really change much because I’m already doing tickets and schtuff, but when the boards merge as one again I have to do one or the other, to make one my sole priority above all else. I think I’ve made the right decision to go with support. I’ve loved being a Commie and I’ll continue to moderate when and where I can (though this will likely decrease significantly come the merging) but I think support needs me now.

And now I’ll be off to watch Jeremy Kyle for some family fued fun soon.

Consider this the first in a line of new blogging, from your friendly neighbourhood Support Staff, OcelotJay.

Ze three faces of Jay.

Commie Jay
UberCommie Jay
Bloo Jay

I recall the days in eons since past when one could believe that everyone - no matter who they were - was not inherently stupid, that ignorance was the core and idiocy was but a temporary physical rendering.

Now I see otherwise. Some people are just dim-witted, unintelligent, and dense. No two ways about it. You’re not “hilariously naïve” or “innocently raw”, just plain, unequivocally brainless.

And here is a list of the fools in question:

What? You think I’m that mean?

I just saw this on a forum I frequent - well, I frequent the website, I occasionally venture into the forums.  It was a topic about The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion but somebody leaped on the chance to take the mick (the original poster felt he was qualified to answer any question, so someone asked “any question” - not relating to Oblivion).

OK really funney but guess what im gonna answer all of them. I think gays can be bonded but unfortunatly the word marrigae means the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which
they become husband and wife. (Oxford American Dictionary) I feel that the redefining of this word is unjust and should not be changed. Gays can be boned but they can not be married. Women deserive to have as many rigths as men unfortunatly, although we do not want to admit it, men do treat women differently. In the work place but also in many pirvate areas of life. Do you ever see male babysiters? Male nurses (meet the fockers doesn’t count). Women are treated diferently. But on the side of men i must say the many femenist bitchs talk about womens rights but when they piss off a dude that guy cant beat the **** out of her like he would do with another guy, equal rights all around? I think not. Abortion is a touchy issue, and ill end it in one sentace, its a child not a chioce. Snakes on a plane will suck but i bet 90% of people in this forum will see it. Myself included. The War in Iraq has many faces. I think that America had an obligation to go there. Sadam Hussan was an evil man. He torchered the people of Iraq and should have been put out of power. But, what of the wepons of mass destruction? I would say that they did exites but a commonly over looked fact is that UN inspecters gave him a year to get rid of them. He also would not let people in his contry to inspect. So if he did not had them he miss lead them to believe he did. And lets not forget about 9/11. Sadam harbored terrorists in Iraq and getting rid of him was a move to prevent more terrorist acts in America. Ceasefire in the middle east never last long enough, like Cepple Show or South Park, or those percieous moments that we share with friends and family.

The bold bit gave me the giggles but by Satan what a dreadful post in general.  And this from one of the longest running (since ‘94/5) gaming sites with a fairly respectable reputation and extensive history and archive on TES.   Oh well, quality never was prevalent I guess.

I haven’t done much of anything lately.  I wasn’t feeling brilliant yesterday but it’s a tad depressing when being ill is the highlight of your month.  I’m not feeling myself admitedly.  I don’t know what it is but I’m just feeling distant.  I had a five day weekend, which should have been fantastic, but I spent much of it in bed.  And not in the good way either.  Man was I tired.  And I just haven’t had the heart to do much of anything.   Maybe I’m just having an off week.

Hmm.  Perhaps a rant about small children would cheer me up.

If there’s one thing this legislature-happy government has failed to do (among the gazillion other things), it’s deal with anti-social behaviour and Britain’s increasing social problems in the correct way. For those across the pond who may be unaware, we have something in Britain called an ASBO - an Anti-Social Behaviour Order - as well as CRASBOs (Criminal Related Anti-Social Behaviour Order). Can’t say I knew about the latter before I did some digging.

So what is an ASBO? It’s essentially a civil order that people get slammed with for engaging in “anti-social” behaviour that may have otherwise resulted “alarm, harassment, or distress to one or more persons not of the same household as him or herself”. Yes, this is the Justice System’s answer to a slap on the wrist. The thing is, what is anti-social behaviour? Is it dealing with the increase in drunken violence among younger age groups? No. Is it helping to maintain order by dissuading people from making trouble that intentionally upsets or intimidates people? Not exactly.

Despite its intention, ASBOs seem to be rather misguided - or is it perhaps the definition of anti-social behaviour that’s the problem? Whilst slapping petty thieves, abusive youths and vandalists is all well and good, does it not seem a tad too much when you ban people from entering their own front door? Oh but that’s just the beginning. Read this. The ones that jump out at me are pretty far fetched and even Thatcher would scoff at this (though she might rather prefer to just beat people into line…).

2. An 18-year-old youth was recently made the subject of an ASBO in the same city with a condition not to congregate with three or more other youths. He was subsequently arrested for breach of his order when he was entering a local youth club on the grounds that there were more than three youths in the premises. This was a successful club with a good reputation providing a valuable service to young people locally, and on the particular evening the session scheduled for the youths was how to deal with anti-social behaviour.

This is one that isn’t all that uncommon, unfortunately. Plenty of ASBOs have been dispensed that have conditions of not associating with a small number of youths at any one time in any one place. The problem, as if it wasn’t patently obvious, is that young people tend to spend time around young people. So in response to anti-social activities they decide to make him -ohemgee- anti-social? Nice.

5. A drug addict faced jail if he was caught sleeping in the street or begging in “an earnest or humble way”. Greater Manchester police obtained an ASBO against Peter Broadbent aged 36 after he pleaded guilty to rough sleeping under the Napoleonic Begging Laws. He was found under the Mancunian Way surrounded by needles and now faces up to five years jail if he breaches. During the year, another homeless man, Leonard Hockey, who begged in a non-aggressive way in Kendal’s car park was ASBOed. He was later breached and jailed and died before finishing his sentence. Broadbent’s ASBO prevents him from sleeping rough contrary to Section 4 of the Vagrancy Act 1824 and asking “earnestly or humbly” for money in a place to which the public have access. He is also banned from selling the Big Issue without a license.

The 1824 Act states: “Every person wandering abroad, or placing himself or herself in any public place . . . to beg or gather alms . . . shall be deemed an idle and disorderly person . . . and it shall be lawful for any justice of the peace to commit such offender . . . to the house of correction.” Regardless of why people are homeless or begging, does it not seem an injustice that someone cannot beg in a non-aggressive way without being labelled anti-social? What’s worse is the blatent disregard the Greater Manchester police apparently have for people being in such a position; we have so many factions within the police force or working with them in an attempt to provide homes for homeless people yet there does seem to be a growing trend of hostility with regards to .

9. A 50-year-old man with numerous convictions for shoplifting, clearly ill and a kleptomaniac, was banned from going into certain shops. If he entered other shops the condition of the ASBO was he told the shopkeepers of his conviction and the condition.

Bear in mind that violating an ASBO can result in fines or imprisonment, does this not seem a tad heavy handed? What really gets me is that if the ASBO highlights that he has a “condition” then clearly they recognise he has a problem - why the hell not instead issue and order to undergo therapy, treatment or at least seek a doctor’s opinion on what to do? Sounds to me as if he needs someone to help him, not be branded an anti-socialist.

10. A teenage boy in the Oldham area has been banned from displaying the name of a gang anywhere on his body. The ASBO was issued to Damien White which banned him from the district of Sholber. The order prevents him from displaying a gang name “Mayhem” on any part of his body or publicly displaying any mark or words to identify himself with any gang or group of youths causing a criminal act or anti-social behaviour.

I can understand the intention to dissuade with this one but “Mayhem” is hardly an unusual word, much less in tattooing (I’ve seen it a fair few times in my relatively short lifetime, albeit upside down a good few times). I’m intrigued as to what the circumstances where that he didn’t do something enough to be punished by mainstream methods but enough to have a restriction on what he can and cannot defile his body with.

11. A 13-year-old was served an order banning him from using the word “grass” anywhere in England and Wales. (Source—Statewatch ASBOwatch)

I’m not even going to try and understand the remote possibility as to how this one came around.

13. In February 2003, a 16-year-old boy was banned from showing his tattoos, wearing a single golf glove, or wearing a balaclava in public anywhere in the country. He was also forbidden from congregating in public places in groups of more than three people. (Source—Statewatch ASBOwatch)

Unless the tattoo was on his penis (or was of a penis) I fail to see the reasoning behind this. Sounds like a pretty gangsta look I guess but again, if this is all part of anti-social behaviour then I’m not seeing just how this constitutes as punishment or deterence.

19. The oldest recipient of an order to date is an 87-year-old who among other things is forbidden from being sarcastic to his neighbours (July 2003). He was subsequently found guilty of breaking the terms of his order on three separate occasions. He awaits sentencing but the judge has already made it clear that “there will be no prison for an 88 year old man”. (Source—Statewatch ASBOwatch)

I have two words for this: fuck and off. Over and over.

29. The endless blazing rows of a couple in Blackburn led to their being made the subject of an ASBO barring them from contacting each other. The 47-year-old man was additionally ordered not to go within 50m of his fiancé’s home. He argued this was completely over the top and Blackburn magistrates eventually backed down and overturned the order. (Source—BBC News)

What they’re not telling you is that she was the one who requested the ASBO in the first place. Yeah, okay, this one just makes me giggle.

But anyway, the point of it all is that this is simply an ineffective and poorly managed form of crime prevention and anti-social behaviour dissuasion. The sentiment behind it is a nice one, and given the rise in social problems (reportedly) it’s understandable that our government would want to tackle anti-social behaviour but this can’t be the way. It’s not the fact that there are problems - everything is flawed - it’s the sheer idiocy that causes the problems, a level of base stupidity that seeps from the obvious pot holes in the legislation.

ASBOs merely play up to the myth of youth culture and in turn are what’s widening the gap between adults and adolescents. There must be a better way to approach anti-social behaviour that involves people rather than isolates and persecutes them.

[I thought I'd published this. Apparently not. Oh well, here it is anyway. ]

I should probably be going to bed but I’m not tired; I fell asleep when I got in from work so hurrah for yet another night where my sleep pattern is all “skew-wiffy”, as Moo would say. Anyway, I wanted to make a proper post when I returned but as you can see I was in a hurry earlier (got the article done, by the way ). With things now at least beginning to settle down I think it’s time I repaid the kindness shown by so many over the past month.

I wasn’t really focusing on anything when I stepped down temporarily, except getting on with things and looking after Shiva. It came as quite a surprise when I saw the number of posts on the forums and my blog about my leaving, not because I felt “unloved” or anything, just I guess when you’re moderating you don’t really notice the relationship you have with people, especially if you’re not in constant contact with them (and over the past 6 months or so, I’ve been fairly inactive over IRC, PMs and IM). It really raised my eyebrows to see so many well-wishes from people, from those I know well to those I’ve rarely spoken to (so to speak); it moved me in a way I’d never have expected.

So I want to say thank you to all of you and that I appreciate all the support and kindness you’ve shown me, from those who said they’d miss me to those who spoke graciously about being there for me if I needed to talk. Your compassion was overwhelming and I’m sorry I didn’t respond to the topics but hopefully you understand why. The point being though that I appreciate everything; the staff and members across the forums made it a bit easier stepping back and getting on with things because I felt like at least I’d have something to look forward to when I returned.

I was going to list everyone but it got far too long to be healthy on my poor machine. Rest assured, everyone who has shown me so much kindness is greatly wubbed and if ever I can do anything, you need only ask. This is why InvisionFree is my favourite place; for all the ills that may ail website communities, IF at least has a heart that it makes it worth sticking around for.

*Kitteh offers hugs and leg-weaving.

And now we return you to your usual schedule of ramblings and rants.

Yep, your eyes are not deceiving you: *I* is back. Heh, reminds me of that wonderful line from Hackers: “Have no fear - I is here!” I just loved that! Anyway, I’ve come back to IF “officially”. I’ve been lurking around for a while and posted here and there for the last few days, namely at night when I was unable to get to sleep, but I’ve decided to return once and for all, admittedly a week earlier than I had intended.

I was originally contemplating returning next week, to let this one go by just in case…but I’m bored and missing the place. Things haven’t been as stressful as I’d expected, largely due to the absence of the final task I was expecting to endure: a call from my eldest brother’s lawyer. A long story that I needn’t go into but suffice to say the news I received was good news (in my respect; if I explained it might sound odd but, eh, it’s all complicated so the fewer details the better) and at last the final and perhaps heaviest weight of all has been unburdened from my shoulders. The memorials went well and I’m getting used to not having Shiva around, so all in all things are going well. Bless Ryan’s poor heart; if he hadn’t put up with me I don’t know what I’d have done.

Now I just need to get rid of this stinking cold. My head’s killing me but my mood isn’t as bad as it was this morning; in fact I’ve returned to Mod status at IFS so I’m pretty elated.

Anyway, I have an article to do hence the rush of this so to summarise: YAY!

Expect a proper blog later.

It sounded better than just “update”. Well what a week - what a month - it’s been. I’m feeling much better since the loss of Shiva, though I can’t say the same for poor Wolf. He’s missing her dearly, that’s for sure. Poor thing just isn’t the same now but he’ll be alright; plenty of warm hugs and affection will soon see him right. I still call out for her when I gather the dogs to go for a walk and the other day I felt the sharpes pang of bitter reality when I set down her bowl and realised she wasn’t going to be eating. Save for these occasional moments when I forget to adjust my routine, I’m getting used to her not being here. But onto the good news…

We’ll be holding the memorials this week for my mum and Meryl’s brother. Everything is prepared (I decided it would help to keep my mind focused if I got onto it ahead of time) but the waiting is agonising. I’ve never been great for waiting when I know something’s coming, either I get excited or dread brings me out in cold sweats. Obviously in this case it’s the latter. But this is normal.

Ryan’s been by my side the whole time and I appreciate his companionship. Especially following Shiva’s death, who was afterall my longest standing companion, it’s nice to have that…I dunno…security, peace of mind? It’s just nice to know he’s there for me. I think it’s a good sign that he’s stuck around; anyone who can put up with me during an emotional roller coaster, when it’d be easier mud-wrestling a group of menopausal women, is certainly a shining star.

I’ve decided to return to ninjustu once more, at least I’m going back to my meditations. I’d forgotten how wonderful they are and recently I’ve been using the exercises to help with stress. I’m not quite as fit as I was back when I practiced this nigh on every day but it’ll all come back to me. I still kick ass and that’s what matters. Although I do need to restrain myself lest I attempt to run before I can walk (although given I’ve already learned to walk, I’ve just stopped for some time, would it be technically “re-learning” to walk?), as the saying goes. It’s good though, my times have been turned around lately and now I’m going to bed at what I believe humans refer to as a “suitable bedtime” which of course allows me to get up earlier. I’d almost stopped appreciating a fresh morning (well you would in Winter when you’re greeted by rain and clouds and snow).

Come next week I still have one further hurdle to leap, and the problem is the not knowing; vague sounding huh? Well, that’s how it all is for me. Suffice to say though it’s what’s keeping me on edge most of all but I’m hoping I’ll be getting a good phone call (or preferably not one at all) as opposed to the dreaded Call of Doom. Knowing my luck this month will be a prelude to a shitty March but I can remain deleriously optimistic. This particular episode permitting, I’m hoping to make a return to normal activity in the beginning of next month. It’ll be nice to get back to everything. When things go quiet it’s odd not being on the computer, scavaging one of the forums, suspending someone here, filing harassment suits there. For now my goal for getting back is just to become an active member once more; if that collapses then things will be taking a very different route altogether. But here’s to hoping eh?